There’s nothing wrong with being afraid. It doesn’t make you any less of a person, but sometimes your fears hold you back. Maybe you are avoiding things that could help others, bring your life meaning, or fill you with joy. In that case, you may decide to conquer those fears for your own growth.
When it comes to overcoming fears, there is one tried-and-true strategy I vouch for personally, and it has strong scientific evidence behind it.
The Exposure Technique
Though the steps are few, they can shift your fears to manageable levels—and sometimes completely alleviate them.
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Purposely face the thing that scares you, instead of avoiding it.
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Don’t try to act tough; experience the fear in a dose you can handle.
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Start small and build up—staying with each step until the fear turns into boredom.
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Over time, your brain learns the feared thing is safe, and the fear response fades into something manageable.
Using this method doesn’t mean that you won’t ever feel fear again. It’s a way to calm your brain so it doesn’t go into high alert for every threat. You learn to sit with your emotions, then eventually to act while still feeling a bit of discomfort.
If you have extreme fears that are getting in the way of daily life, you may want to work with a therapist to guide you safely and effectively in these practices. For ordinary fears that get in the way of growth, you may be able to try exposure therapy on your own. That was my experience, and it proved effective and empowering.
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How to Get Started
The classic way to start exposure is to pick one or two fears that hold you back and expose yourself to them in small amounts until they no longer bother you. Another approach is to pick any old fear from the list below and start working on raising your overall tolerance—that’s what had the greatest effect on me. Each small taste of progress made me hungry for more.
A Few Options
You can choose one or more of these or any others that are challenging for you:
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Expose yourself to dark, high, or loud places.
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Let yourself be a little cold, hot, or wet.
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Let your body experience uncomfortable sensations such as spinning, sprinting, being upside down, breathing through one nostril, or fasting.
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Avoid checking Google for any and every weird symptom you may experience.
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Start on something before you feel ready.
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Decide on something before you feel clarity.
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Do the thing you are actively avoiding.
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Speak without overexplaining yourself.
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Let yourself fail or struggle with a challenging activity.
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Let others experience strong emotions without reacting yourself.
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Push yourself to be more social than you would otherwise be.
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Do something with less planning than you are comfortable with.
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Call someone instead of texting.
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Sit with uncertainty without reaching for distraction or a quick fix.
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Speak in front of a camera or an audience.
For each fear, think of a way to expose yourself to it that feels like a four or five out of 10, with 10 being the maximum level of fear. Stay with it and repeat until the experience feels boring or easy—like a two out of 10—then slowly move up the ladder.
A few last tips as you try this out: A useful mindset during your exposure practice is to think of yourself as a scientist. Observe how you feel without trying to change it. Make predictions about what you think will happen and notice the results.
Stay with a fear until it starts subsiding rather than leaving when you’re actively afraid—this is one of the keys to helping your brain recalibrate its threat level. I’m confident you will see results quickly and experience the excitement of knowing that change is possible at any age.
