Lately our 9-year-old son has been moodier than usual. It’s not like him to complain of being bored or not wanting to do ordinary tasks such as chores and schoolwork—but both my wife and I had independently noticed the change.
I sat down and talked with him about how good things—like video games—can sometimes seem so good that they make the ordinary parts of life feel boring. Since nearly everyone dislikes being bored, they don’t act the same and aren’t as happy.
Here’s where things took a turn I didn’t expect.
To his surprise, and my delight, he reported back to me days later, unprompted, that he was already happier. I saw him playing with his Lego bricks today, which he hasn’t done in a while, and I was happy to see him enjoying other simple pleasures that are easily drowned out by easier, instant pleasures.
The Pleasures That Are Never Enough
My theory is that for most of history our pleasures were of the second kind. We had to work for them. Effort was required to reach the enjoyment and so placed a natural limit on how much we could get.
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These kinds of pleasures also have a different quality—they aren’t quite as acute as the jolting pleasure of a bite of cake. They build more slowly and last longer, providing a sense of satisfaction that naturally limits how much you feel you need.
In our modern world, the first type of pleasure is easier to get than ever before. Wealth and convenience make it trivial to get instant pleasure pretty much on demand. Most of us aren’t mentally or emotionally equipped for that and so experience the equivalent of eating too much food and becoming overweight.
The first kind of pleasure—instant pleasure—is so often overconsumed because it is, for the most part, a happiness that is stripped from its original context and taken in such unnatural quantities that it can’t possibly be good for us.
3 Ways to Break Free From Instant Pleasures
As much as I write about the past, I love living in modern times. I want to remember the lessons of the past so I can thrive in today’s world. Many of us would do well to push back against too much pleasure of the easy, instant variety and allow pleasure to flow to us more naturally as the byproduct of a life well-lived.
Here are a few ideas:
1. Make Wise Instant-Pleasure Choices
When you indulge from the smorgasbord of easy pleasures life has to offer—as you occasionally should—do so mindfully. Don’t come to expect such pleasures every day or use them to escape difficult emotions.
2. Fight Distractions From the Present Moment
One great curse of technology is how easy it is to instantly escape from any emotional difficulty instead of facing it head-on. I believe this stunts our growth and makes us dependent on instant pleasures to boost our mood. Instead, stay in the moment and ride the wave of whatever you’re feeling to the other side.
3. Challenge Yourself
Success has to be earned through genuine struggle and effort. You will feel amazing when you stare down something that feels hard or uncomfortable and do it anyway.
Unlike children, I think most adults are familiar with these concepts. We recognize that too much of a good thing can end up being bad, or at least less than optimal. I think many people have become complacent and are fine with coasting through life in a comfortably numb state. They can no longer imagine the greater and richer pleasures waiting for them on the other side of hard work, discipline, commitment, and sacrifice, even if they wanted to.
Like my son, you might consider a little experiment of your own.
